We humans are conduits of creativity
As an artist I am super intrigued by you+your ideas+how you make them become real in the world. We humans are conduits for creativity. We have the ability to dream things into being. To make things that we imagine become real. We do it all the time in so many ways. All of us.
The experience of conceiving and birthing and nursing my child this year has brought this into a level that has completely shifted my reality. To make something so real as a daughter has been such a collaboration with the unknown. Nearly a year later, she’s this healthy, content, amicable ball of chubby baby growing all the time. Here’s to women and our bodies and being conduits to creativity and the very literal physical experience of bringing new humans into this world.
It has been a long trust walk with my body, from having had cancer fifteen years ago to not knowing if I could even get pregnant to the triggering PTSD experience of nausea and fatigue in pregnancy and the immense unknown of bringing life into the world and the transformation of motherhood, marriage, parenthood, partnership. So much experience of being caterpillar soup in the cocoon of transformation.
I was gifted with an experience in my body as a freaking tiger while I gave birth roaring her into the world and that will be a revelation i return to again and again. And she and I are lucky that despite a tongue tie and whatnot our breastfeeding relationship worked out. We’ve even been able to donate month's worth of our extra milk to other babies in need which has felt amazing. Go body, go!!!
I seriously DGAF when I breastfeed in public and I’m lucky to live in Portland where it is embraced and supported. I’m pretty sure this is the first time I’ve shared side boob on the internet, but I think it’s a great time to do so as women’s bodies are great, my body has regained my trust and I feel more comfortable and confident in my own skin than ever before in my life. Here’s to women and our bodies and being conduits to creativity and the very literal physical experience of bringing new humans into this world.
As I’ve said before, every one of you got here through one of us. So why the heck are we still fighting for equality?!! Because we’re so gosh darn powerful they’re intimidated by us!
Photo of me by my pal Alicia
Sunday was International Women's Day and I shared the picture above of myself breastfeeding my baby on social media. My post had the same straight-from-the-cuff update about my life, and motherhood, and my body, and being a woman that I am sharing with you here. I posted it and went about my day and then late that night I checked in on Facebook and saw that the very first comment on my post was "geez, really?"
Huh.
Disapproval.
Whoops.
But wait.
Why?!
There were six more supportive comments after it, cheering me on. But reading that one comment of disapproval, I immediately felt ashamed. I considered taking the post down. I actually felt afraid. Was I making myself a target? Was I being naive? Who am I to post a picture of myself breastfeeding on the internet? Am I an exhibitionist? A glutton for attention? A hack?
Wait a second. No. None of that.
I am a vehicle for art, creativity, living and sharing my truth.
My art is made with paint, words, and my hands, body and life.
I felt the wave of it all wash over me, and then I realized something important.
I have a critic.
I am speaking my truth, and I am getting some push-back.
Now I am on to something! I have lived so much of my life seeking people's approval, I can get shaken up by even the gentlest of disapproval.
But being an artist, and a human who wants to grow, I need to bump up against my edges, and to learn to handle some disapproval. I'm here to be a conduit for creativity. An honest human being. A wife and mother and artist living her life out loud - sharing my truth.
I am not here to please you.
Having a critic means I am actually saying something.
So yes, really! Today is a day to be celebrated. I have critics!
And geez - thank you for being in the revelation of it all with me!
