Why is it so hard to feel free & confident as an adult?

One of the artists I mentor in Visual Artist Accelerator recently shared this:

"When I was a child, I felt free and confident to try new things all the time. And I was always so proud of the results! As an adult, I resist trying new things and I’m always second-guessing myself. Why is it so hard to feel childlike freedom and confidence as an adult?"

I’m so glad she shared this, because it is the heart of what I do! I intentionally work with adults so I can help them reclaim the freedom and unquestioned sense of self-ownership that they almost certainly had as a child. 

I teach my artists about the upward spiraling path that artists are on. This involves constantly passing through seasons of doubt and confidence. It may feel like you’re going in circles when the doubt resurfaces, but in fact you are traveling in an upward spiral—you have more knowledge and experience under your belt than the last time you faced doubt! The artists I mentor learn that the pain of doubt has a purpose, and they learn to trust the journey as they experience times of doubt.

So why do we lose the creative freedom and confidence that we enjoyed as children? For the most part, you were supported as a child by a parent or other caretakers. This left you free of responsibilities—free to play, learn, and create. Mistakes didn’t paralyze you, since mistakes are part of children’s daily life.

When we become adults, we are both blessed and burdened by responsibilities. We’ve had years and years of life experiences—many of them painful—that have likely shown us that failure and rejection are uncomfortable. As adults, there are real consequences to our choices and actions. We’re in the driver’s seat now, and it feels safer to stay parked than to risk a new adventure.

Adults who are artists at heart struggle with this resistance, because it suppresses the creative freedom that is burning in their core. I think it’s important to ask yourself what your risk tolerance is right now. Artmaking requires taking risks, but there are times in our lives when we don’t have the bandwidth it takes to take creative risks. This is the reason that I don’t accept artists into Visual Artist Accelerator if they are currently experiencing a time of crisis —it’s best for them to lean on other resources until the crisis has passed. When you’re in Visual Artist Accelerator, you’re taking risks that may threaten everything you previously considered safe!

As adults, we worry that others will judge us—and they will! We humans are wired to evaluate and judge all that we see. You are judging things and other people all the time, just as you are being judged. This is not a reason to avoid showing up or taking risks. You won’t be cast out of the clan, as your primitive brain fears. 

There is so much freedom once you take risks in your own work and find that you are still safe! This is what I wish for all of you.

The creative process is wonderful cross-training for living a human life. It’s completely natural to feel a lot of doubt, especially when you’re going through a growth spurt. And I’m here to support my artists through it!

What helps you get back in touch with the creative freedom of your childhood? I’d love to hear about it, please share!